STORIES...
Monday, February 28, 2005
Lies are part of our lives. Something that we can't live without. It's becoming an essential. We lie to get out of trouble. We lie to get someone into trouble. Humans are really selfish...
We hunger to be in the crowd, to have someone around us. Sometimes, we do silly stuff just to be in the group. Sometimes they work... Sometimes they backfire...
Sometimes we want to be left in the corner. Sometimes we just want to be left alone. But too much of it makes us feel lonely... Humans are really strange...
Humans are really hard to understand... Ironically, I'm a human too...
Reminiscing stops at |10:01:00 am|
Sunday, February 27, 2005
What's wrong with me? Whenever I think of my projects, I remember their deadlines. Whenever I try to type my report out, tears welled up in my eyes. What's happening? Something's really wrong with me. How can I type my reports without having these feelings??
Despite taking the medicine, the pain still doesn't want to go. When will it leave?
I'm going mad. Soon...
Reminiscing stops at |10:06:00 pm|
AngelSpend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always some reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memorys seep through my veins
let me be empty
oh and weightless then maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
So tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
the storm keeps on twisting
keep on building the lies
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escape one last time
it's easier to believe
in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
In the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here It's a song... I don't know how it sounds like... but I like the title.. hehe... Anyone who has the song please tell me... hee.. thanks!
Reminiscing stops at |7:57:00 pm|
Saturday, February 26, 2005
I wish everything will turn back... I wish to be a baby again...
I've been having moodswings... It's not as bad as Monday and Tuesday... Not PMS! If it's pms, it'll be worse...
Feels like I'm climbing a mountain... A very steep one... One wrong step, and I'll fall back to square 1. During this journey, I've taken many wrongs... fallen many times... After each fall, I became depressed. I felt so weak... Why do I always fail?
My mood's like the waves... I can be at the peak now. But the next minute, I'm at the trough. I'm left alone in the middle of the sea... To swim or sink... When the current is too strong,when I'm too tired, I'll sink... Sink into the deep sea... Feels like it's pulling me down... Why am I so tired?
Time is slipping away... I can't keep those sand in my hand. They kept finding a way to slip through my fingers. No matter how tight I clench my fists, they just keep slipping away. "Time waits for no man" That, I know. But I still want to hold them back. My projects' deadline are due soon. They're still not done yet... Feels like there's not enough time for me. I know it's because I don't know how to plan my time. Please give me more time...
Reminiscing stops at |5:05:00 pm|
My mom loves to over react... That time, I kept having stomach ache... she said scarli I got cancer... Now, I've got chest pain since Wed... she said scarli got heart attack... haiz...
We went to see this lady doctor... She's very cute!! Small small size like Ms Tay... The way she talk also super cute!! She explained why I had this pain... She said I was always rushing here and there... and some other things... she said I was under stress! Hmmm... Maybe kinda stressed these days... haiz... She also said my blood pressure is on the low side and I'm thin...??!! Haha...
After that, my mom complained as usual... haiz...
I've learned something new today. People at our age will hardly have heart attack unless those who're born with a hole in their heart. Males have a higher possibility of getting heart attack compared to females cuz we got menses every month. So... the monthly torure has its good side too... ha...
Reminiscing stops at |11:09:00 am|
Friday, February 25, 2005
Call me stubborn... I won't deny it... Cuz that's a fact. I want things to go my way. Whatever I set my eyes on, I must get it. I'll not give in... I sound demanding ya?
We did something really practical for TTP. It's the best tutorial that Kiwi gave us.
Reasons...
1) We're allowed to leave the classroom and slack...
2) We only need to tahan him for about 30mins today!! hehe....
We planned a 2-hour tour in SP. The tour started at SB... The laughter started at SB too... Mei Hua and Si were walking in front of Nini and me. I kept calling them 'DaoYu'... I think Mei Hua a bit cannot tahan... She started calling us 'JiangQing'!! I suan Mei Hua all the way... hehe... We didn't stop laughing throughout our tour.
When we're at MLT1, I saw Shander at FC1... A group of guys thought we're lost... We're holding the map... Wanted to go to the stimulation there...
It was an interesting tutorial. Si was red after our tour... Dunno cuz laugh too much or cuz we walk under the sun... Mei Hua was perspiring... Everyone felt very warm after that...
Reminiscing stops at |6:34:00 pm|
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
I was moody for the past few days. Problems seem to find their way to me. No matter how hard I tried to escape, no matter how I tried to hide...
Sunday... Rena and Eve helped to slove my problems... On my way home, I almost wanted to cry out. I managed to shut them out. Pgek said my eyes were red. When I was back in my room, I couldn't control it. They flowed down...
Monday-Tuesday... I was moody... My spirits couldn't be brought up though there were some jokes of the day. They went up and then down again.
Wednesday... I was feeling better... Rena, thanks for your concern. I managed to burry some of them deep under the ground. Shall settle them one at a time... Maybe it was the alcohol I drank last night... Though I'm not supposed to, I really felt a little better after that...
There's some things I wanted to say... But I don't want to list any names out...
1) I'm a human... Stop calling me other names...
2) Please don't smoke in front of me. If I were very irritated and fed up instead of moody, you won't be able to imagine what I'll do to you. What's the use of making promises for others. Make it for yourself.
3) Stop forcing me to do what I don't want to do. I want to live my own life.
Reminiscing stops at |9:12:00 pm|
If I would list out those empty promises my father made, I'll take days to list all of them out. If I would list out those empty promises people around me made, I'll take forever to list all of them out.
Why must they make those empty promises to me? They only made me happy for a short while but upset forever.
"I promise to get it for you."
"I promise to allow you to go."
"I promise..."
Though they were just simple promises, they're enough to hurt. Make promises only when you are ready to fulfill them.
"Promises are lies wrapped with pretty ribbons." I agree with it. From the experiences I had, I've learned not to bother about promises others made to me. Because, they'll not exist the next minute.
Reminiscing stops at |1:50:00 pm|
Monday, February 21, 2005
Yesterday, I felt very stressed up. I felt so useless. I can't seem to do anyhing well myself. Suddenly I realised I can't do anything without the help of others. I don't want to feel this weak! I want to depend on myself to get things done. But...
I'm sorry Eve if you were upset by what happened yesterday. I feel very bad... So sorry...
~New Pics~~New Pics~
Reminiscing stops at |10:41:00 pm|
Sunday, February 20, 2005
It's always my fault. It's always others' fault. You're always right. Even though you're at fault, you'll always push the blame to others. Do you ever stop to think that what you've said, what you've done are always hurting someone? You're always living in a world where there's no one else except you.
Don't forget. There's always someone around you. Always think before you say anything. Always think before you do anything.
I'll always remember what you did, what you said. Because, whenever I see you, I'm always forced to remember those.
Reminiscing stops at |10:45:00 am|
Friday, February 18, 2005
It was a tiring day...
I don't know why but I felt tired... I didn't want to do anything except to head home and sleep.
After lessons, we made our way to Huiwen's house. As usual, we watched vcds... It was the season of giving for Huiwen... We helped her clear some stuff... Regina and Rebecca missed out the fun.
After the both of them arrived at Huiwen's place, we started our steamboat. I didn't have to cook or do anything. Weixin peeled the prawns' shell for us... The rest cooked... I just sat there, watch tv and Xiusi served me all the way. hehe... Cannot blame me lah... The show's too interesting le...
After dinner, we had our photo taking session on the bed... haha... For the last few shots, Weixin, Regina, Rebecca and me lied on the bed. Mei Hua, Jia Ni, Huiwen and Xiusi (our busy photographer) sat on us...
It was quite an enjoyable night... Thanks, Huiwen!
~New Pics~
Reminiscing stops at |10:42:00 pm|
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Yesterday, I had the most interesting lao yu sheng in my life!! When it was time, the yu sheng was flying everywhere!! They're super siao... Rena and I talked about our IJ life. Ahhh... memories... Miss them soooo much...
Today, I dragged myself to CSB as usual. Before leaving the lab, Nini and I did a super good deed!! We... ... ... haha... I think better not say... Too bad we can't see the expression of the next person who's gonna use those 2 com... =D
Pon French to do something to my hair. I spent 3hrs for it!! Dye + Highlight + Trim = $70 Cheap hor...? But my highlight not bright enough leh... Auntie scared too bright later I can't go back to work. I really wanted to highlight some pink or blue. But I don't think I can step into the office after that... So... haiz...
Reminiscing stops at |8:40:00 pm|
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Rude people...
Don't you find it rude when you initiate a hand shake but the other party didn't want to accept it? I've experienced it today. I stretched out my hand to wish them a Happy Birthday but they just smiled and ignored it. It's the rudest thing that can be done by someone. What's the problem? I don't have any deadly skin disease. For goodness sake... Please... When someone stretch out his/her hand to have a handshake with you, have the courtesy to accept it. Even if you know the person has sweaty palms.
When you bang into someone, do you turn back to look at the person and apologies? Or do you turn back to see whom did you banged into? Or do you just ignore carry on walking? I got hit in the stomach by an auntie when she was rushing across the road. She didn't even turn back to apologise. Why can't people apologise for their mistakes? No wonder kids these days are getting ruder...
When you're sitting at a table with a group of people and you accidentally kicked someone's foot, do you apologise? Do you try to find out if you've kicked someone's leg or something else? I've this friend of mine who's always kicking my leg when she's sitting in front of me. Maybe it's because she has long legs but doesn't she has any feelings when she kicked something? Once, I told her that she kicked my foot/stepped on my shoes. She just "orh". After that, she kicked my foot/stepped on my shoes again! What the....!!! Since then, I didn't want to sit in front of her.
Haiz... Anyways... Happy Bday, everyone!
Reminiscing stops at |7:46:00 pm|
Monday, February 14, 2005
I think I shouldn't talk too much le.. The more I talk, the lesser voice I have.. haiz.. Last night had a 3hr talk on the phone. I was supposed to study for ECMT but I just couldn't glue my butt on the chair. Finally stopped studying @ about 10pm..
Today's test was quite easy leh.. 40mcq.. The answers like all very straightforward. Before we're allowed to start writing, Wei Xin, Huiwen, Rebecca and me discussed the first qn.. hehe..
After lunch, TTP.. sian.. I think I slept throughout the lecture. Fell asleep before the break.. During break time, I didn't sleep. After break, I fell asleep again... I think I didn't miss out much... hehe..
Ohhh... Happy Vday!
Reminiscing stops at |7:14:00 pm|
Sunday, February 13, 2005
I've been coughing since CNY eve... It's getting worse everyday. Yesterday was the worst day. When I opened my mouth, no sound come out... M'my said I tok too much.... Hmmmm..... Mayb...
The night before, I went out for dinner with Rena. Though I didn't have much voice, I forced myself to tok. I wanna tok to Rena... hehe...
Tml's ECMT CA... Haven started studying yet... Finally, I didn't know what ECMT is about... How is she gonna test us? What is she gonna test us on? haiz...
Reminiscing stops at |10:00:00 am|
Saturday, February 12, 2005
I received something I didn't expect. It was a watch from Esprit. I found it very unique.. played with it for some time..
I was touched by what was done. I don't know what to say except "Thank you". Thank you for what you've done for me. Thank you for everything.
Reminiscing stops at |9:51:00 pm|
Friday, February 11, 2005
Last nite, I realised I'm very very the... dunno how to say... I couldn't remember what happened a few days ago. I took a long time trying to recall... It's really a very long time...
People out there... If you see me on the streets in the future, forgive me if I don't recognise you guys... hehe...
ahhhh..... I'm so tired... I wanna go back to sleep... But... Cannot!! Scarli headache again... I hate coughing... *sob*
Reminiscing stops at |3:02:00 pm|
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Putting our backs together
Your pulse and
My pulse that
I want to overlap
The music that you're humming
Even if it's wrong
The rhythm should always match
Hey, shattered knee, scratched cheek
Pulling that heavy shadow along
Isn't there a road back?
Hey, someday everything will definately break
Even when the day the star disappears comes
Let's aim for the distant space
Staring, continuing
The stars are
At bottom of your eyes
Shimmering
Shimmering
That you lost
The distant memory
And that I found the dream in my nap
Is old for some reason
Like friends
Rubbing our shoulders
Exchanging smiles
Hey, stopping when you're on a lost road
Making the same mistake countless times
Let's stop repeating
Hey, try pushing that reset button
To start over, like you've become reincarnated
While the stars are blinking
You will forget me
And I
Will forget you
Everything will disappear
And everything will hatch
Someday in the distant space
If we turn the wind around
You will be
At bottom of your eyes
Shimmering
Shimmering
woo...
Can't remember where I get this from...
Reminiscing stops at |11:46:00 am|
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
....... I slept too much... Now having a terrible headache... Feel like going back to sleep but my headache will be worse... *sob*
Yesterdae went swimming wif Qiu Qiu... There was quite a few corpse on the floor... haha.. After our swimming date, I was red. My cheeks, nose, shoulders, arms... red red one... I showed M'my how tanned I was. She said,"siao ah. People go do whitening you go make urself so black..." hehe...
Slept fm 4++ to dinner time... Had a sleepy face throughout dinner. Went back to my room... Didn't know what to do... Went to the com after some of them went home. Went back to sleep @ 10pm. M'my finds it weird cuz I'm sleeping earlier than usual... In the middle of the night, I went to complain about my sore throat.
Now... ... ...
I've got a sexy voice... irritating headache...
I'm unwilling to wear that top... unwilling to drink that tea... unwilling to change... onli willing to go back to my bed... headache ahhhh....
Reminiscing stops at |10:39:00 am|
Monday, February 07, 2005
I wanted to get something from Robinsons... They've got the 15%+5%... I wanna take advantage of that... Planned to get a bag, a pair of shoes and foundation...
I took a train and then a bus to dad's office... I realised the strap of my sandles snapped when I was on my way to the station... so suay.... Tahan all the way to Cine cuz me rushing to watch my show... I'm really embarrassed by my juniors... haiz....
The movie titled Nobody Knows, was very touching... It's a movie not to be missed. It's been showing for quite some time le.... The boy very shuai!! The little girl very cute!!
These four kids had the same mother but different fathers... Only the oldest son, Akira, was allowed to leave the house. He looked after his siblings when his mother wasn't at home. The other 3 kids had to stay in doors so they would not be seen by others. I don't understand why their mother asked them to do so. Anyways... The 5 of them were very closed to each other. But one day, they were abandoned by their mother. Akira tried to take care of his siblings hoping that his mother would come back to them. One day, Yuki, the youngest sister, fell from the high stool. She couldn't wake up after that. Akira didn't have any money to buy any medicine. He decided to steal. The next morning, Yuki was cold. Akira bought many boxes of Apollo Chocos for Yuki. Her body was put into a luggage. She was burried somewhere near the airport...
Mei xiang dao... I'm not the onli person who watches movies alone... When I left, a guy was behind me. He also watched alone... See!! It's not uncommon to watch movies alone...
After the movies, I went to Robinsons... I walked around but didn't get any I like...Went up to bed linen dept to find Auntie Sally... But she was nowhere to be seen... Maybe she was there... But from where I was standing, I couldn't see her...
When I walked out from Robinsons, someone from Sanur waved at me... I was thinking, "Who's that?" I couldn't recognise the person at all... She could see it... haha... I remember I worked wif her before... But no matter how hard I think, I still couldn't remember... As usual... haiz...
I actually forgot about Qiu Qiu's swimming date!! I told Huilin that I'll go back SJC wif her... Now, Qiu Qiu gotta wake up @ 7++ to go swimming @ 8... After that, 1030 gotta meet Huilin @ school's bus stop... Tml's morning so bz...
Reminiscing stops at |7:43:00 pm|
Yesterday was the worst day at work...
I woke woken up by that stupid stomache... I think got slight diarrhea also... Got no breakfast at home... Worked afternoon shift... Took some chocolates then med when I reached there.
Luckily there wasn't much crowd... My face only showed one word, 'sian'. Had to move stocks... Had squat down to pull out the stocks. When I stood up, I saw 'stars'... Once, my vission was totally black. I held on to the bin and walked slowly.
I was scolded by Aidah... It wasn't my fault!! Yuji asked me to follow Irene and Alex to get my fixture. I ran after the both of them. Irene and Alex pushed their fixture into the store during operating hours. Aidah yelled at them. The both of them was called into the office for a 'nice chat'. I was excluded cuz I dun even noe anything.
Last night, Rena asked me to go down to office cuz she's doing a presentation or sth.. Auntie Sally allowed me to leave @ 8pm. But gotta do shifting. I can't leave Auntie Sally alone to do everything. So me told Rena that I can't go down...
So tired. I think got muscles le! haha.. Sebas helped us until he tore his pants. Alvin tried to make the hole bigger.. haha.. Yuji's pants was also torn! Doris pushed the bin until the poster dropped n hit her head. She hurt her finger when she was pushing the bin. My leg hit the bin when I was pushing it. Towards the end, I was almost dying. I had no strength to carry the box... I used my leg to kick it nearer to the trolley. Alvin helped me carry it onto the trolley. Did shifting and packing until 11pm!! Auntie Sally asked me to take a cab home.
I went to get my dinner then walked back to the taxi stand. Auntie Sally reminded me to get a receipt when she saw me at the taxi stand. But.. ... ... I forgot to get a receipt!! Hope she don't kill me...
Reminiscing stops at |11:05:00 am|
Saturday, February 05, 2005
Whatz wrong?? I only say I wanna be a nun... I just wanna get some peace... I'm not asking much... I just wanna live peacefully...
Today's my day to help out for the open house. My station was supposed to be the music booth... I was super bored staying alone in the booth... So... I went to disturb Nini @ her info booth... I learned how to operate the music thingy... hehe... I used the mic to call Nini!! haha... I think those ppl in the Convention can hear leh... oops! This CLS guy walked passed me n laf!! haha...
During the four hours, I was rotting @ Nini's booth... Walking around the premises... Went to look at the FYP. Was stopped by Wan to see his project... His project was done for the intellectually disabled. Somehow, he forced me to try... So I did... Suan him a bit then I left...
After 'duty', went to J8 wif Nini... Actually I wanna go Bugis... Haiz... In the end, I didn't buy any jigsaw puzzles... But... I bought 2 cds, The Players and Xiao Zhu's, n my sponge. Kana tricked by the shop's promo... Haiz...
Reminiscing stops at |9:28:00 pm|
I wanna buy cds too!!
1) The Players
2) Huo Jian Hua's
3) Xiao Zhu's
4) I can't rem the name le... Some piano songs...
Above all, I'm still looking for jigsaw puzzles... At last today can go Bugis find le!! hehe...
I'm helping out for SP open house... I wan SB shirt leh... *sob* Gonna be late le... Rebecca n Nini may kill me...
Reminiscing stops at |10:57:00 am|
Friday, February 04, 2005
My legs are breaking apart... Was supposed to work @ RC... But it was like a ghost town. I was told to be prepared to go back to CP. Jac called me when I was serving!! Dunno who kept messaging me... The customer was couldn't decide which colour she should choose... The vibrations were irritating me...
In the end, Jac asked me to go CP cuz she wanna go home... -.-' I left RC for CP... ok... I shopped on my way there. I went into a shop to look for clothes... Wanted to go to Perlini but it's kinda crowded in there... Before strolling in, I got myself my usual soya bean milk... I wasted quite some time at the security check point...
CP also like ghost town... But managed to make a sales of about $1k!! hehe... If I have commission, I'll be more motivated to get higher sales...
I left after 93o... I was so satisfied wif my neat counter that I forgot gotta move towels... Jac called and asked if it was possible for me to go back... I went up reluctantly... I was looking for a new pot of catus @ Cold Storage... Went to the wine section... I really wanna buy that Barcardi!! It's only 5%... Mayb I'll buy it sometime next week... Cuz this week alr had a bottle... haiz... M'my is being overprotected...
She was dazzled
When she first saw you
Your eyes, your smile
They're too hard for her to forget
Though the meetings were short,
She treasured them.
Every minute, every moment
They were so precious to her.
For all these time,
She had been waiting
Waiting for those words
The words that will make her smile.
She started to ask herself
She's starting to wonder
Was she wasting her energy
Or was she just dreaming?
Now, she's here with me
Asking if she had done it right
But what answer should I give
When I don't know how he feels?
~New Pics~
Reminiscing stops at |11:37:00 pm|
Thursday, February 03, 2005
You are the green fragrance type
You have a very strong will, not dependent on others and give an impression of being a lone-ranger. You are extremely curious and sensual, living a clear-headed modern life. At first glance, you place yourself or a pedestal, and are difficult to get along. But once others talk to you, they know you are easygoing. And when the relationship develops, they realize you are affable. You have an androgynous charm, which makes you popular with all genders. But you don't like your weak side to be seen. You might look cool on the surface, but beneath it all, you are really Passionate. Only people who know your true self can maintain a long-lasting relationship with you.
Reminiscing stops at |10:28:00 pm|
I gave this to Pi to cheer her up... hehe...
The moment our eyes met,
I knew you're the one.
You're like the star in the dark sky
shining so brightly.
Nothing can be done
To take away your brightness.
You're like a diamond
So rare and hard to find.
Not to forget, expensive.
I can't seem to continue... Last time I had more mushy lines. I kept saying those to irritate my colleagues... Maybe those lines will come to me when I work... hehe...
~~~~~~~~~~~~*(^o^)*~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hmmmm..... I've been lafing non-stop after break... Mei Hua asked me why I wanna be a nun... Suddenly, she thought of Si w/o hair. I burst out!! I couldn't stop lafing... Si and Mei Hua started fighting... I took pic of them... I was quite tired after lafing... So... I hugged Regina... Rebecca took a pic of us... Mei Hua said we've gotta act out the scene in Titanic... -.-'
(Rebecca n Si, upload those pics hor!! esp the one I hugged Regina n Regina wif the leash!!)
I dunno wat Jasmine's fren wants... Suddenly call me over... (???)
Went to look for Rena... She was quite shocked to see me... haha...
I almost wanted to get another piercing but changed my mind... "Maybe another time..." I told myself...
Hmmmm.... Is there sth wrong wif their eyes??? Hmmmm.... Haiz...
Reminiscing stops at |8:28:00 pm|
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~*(^o^)*~~~~~~~~~~~~
My only wish for now is... I hope it'll be saved. Don't die on me. Don't give up!!
I dropped the whole pot of catus on the floor when I wanna pick up my V.C. Andrews book!! Everything was poured out! The catus landed on the floor!! I spent about 30mins putting it back with quite a few thorns in my skin! *sob* I couldn't put in back into its orignal state but hope it's not dead...
Reminiscing stops at |9:06:00 pm|
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Last night, I hopped into someone's blog. I read an entry... A super sad one. It really brought tears to my eyes. His grandpa passed away. It reminds me of my grandparents. I really regretted. I regretted for not calling them whenever I have the chance.
When my grandpa was very ill, he was in and out of the hospital. It was a very tough time for him and us. We kept persuading to go for the operation but he refused. Whenever I visited him in the hospital, I just stood at the foot of the bed.
I couldn't bare to see the state he was in. He finally agreed to go for the operation but it was somehow too late. The chances were very slim. During that time, he was in and out of ICU. My heart skipped a beat whenever I learned that he went back to ICU.
He didn't get back to the normal ward after the last time he was transferred back to ICU. On the night of my birthday, we received a call. We changed and rushed out. My grandpa's condition was critical. My dad was somehow speeding to the hospital.
When we reached there, everyone was crying. I didn't know what happened. Jing Zhi came to me, crying. She kept saying, "Gong Gong die alr..." I was very furious. I asked her to shut up. I was starting to get worried. I started crying. Jasper, who was sitting beside me, heard what Jing Zhi said and started crying. I put my legs close to my chest. Tears started flowing out uncontrollably. My dad asked why I was crying. I told him. He tried to console me. But I couldn't control my tears. They just keep flowing out.
We went to have a last look at him. His mouth and eyes were wide open. He was in so much pain. He seemed to be gasping for air. I stood at a corner of the room. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I couldn't accept the truth. He was gone. He left us. He was asking for Kenneth but he was away. Kenneth couldn't believe what he saw when we brought him to the wake...
My grandma had liver cancer. My auntie decided not to operate on her because it was very risky. Chances were very slim too. They decided not to take a risk. She was in so much torture. She lost a lot of weight. My mom moved over to take care of her.
Every fridays, I'll sneak to Tampines to see my mom and stay over during the weekends. As time passed, she was so weak that she couldn't get out of bed. Whenever I went over, I didn't call my grandma. I just stood at the door and looked at her quietly. She was in a lot of pain.
My dad brought her out for dinner one day. We went to a seafood restaurant. It had a beautiful scenery and a nice atmosphere. The sea breeze was very cooling. I felt so helpless when I saw my grandma climbing up the stairs. Although it was just less than 10steps, she had a lot of difficulty climbing up.
One day, I was shocked to see my dad home so early. He told me that my grandma just passed away. I couldn't believe what I heard. I went to the toilet, sat on the floor under the shower. How could that happen? I didn't want to get out of the toilet. The next day, I forced myself to go to school. My friends suspected something was wrong with me. I didn't want them to know. I don't want them to treat me differently. I broke out when I requested Ms Lim to allow me to go home early. I couldn't study for my test that night. The next day, I had History test. Goh Huilin came over to gave me a hug. I almost cried out. I wanted someone to console me but I didn't want anyone to know. My mind was totally blank during the test. I couldn't think of anything else. I just want to go back. I want the test to end ASAP. My grandma was going to be cremeted that day. I forced myself to write something on the script. I could only write 4 lines, 2 lines each for each questions.
I couldn't forget that scene. I couldn't forget how I had to drag Jing Zhi away.
Now, I can't remember their looks but I miss them. I really want them back.
I miss their kweh. They make the best kweh!
Though my dialect is horrible, I want to talk to them. I missed those little conversations we had. I miss their voice.
I missed those dinners we had at Pasir Ris Park.
Now, I only have my paternal grandparents. I'll try to do whatever they ask me to do. I don't want them to leave.
If only I could turn back time, I would treasure them more.
I don't want anyone to pass away. I don't want to attend any wakes. It's very hard to let them go. If I can choose, I want to leave before everyone does.
Reminiscing stops at |7:17:00 pm|
Rena came to SP today!! hehe... She wanted to come for my BLAW lecture.
Weixin gave me a shock!! When I introduced Rena as my younger sis, she said, "We're once together." That kinda sentence came out of Weixin's mouth?! She's more mushy than me!! haha... We only sleep together for 3 nights.
Rena was addicted to BLAW lecture. haha... Rena, you're welcome to come for BLAW lectures!! hehe..
I confessed to Rena about Shan's incident. Ahhhh...!!! I want to have an achievement there!! But saying without actions is useless... I need time management!! Seems like time is just slipping away from me... Haiz...
Reminiscing stops at |6:16:00 pm|
